Reflection

I spent today reflecting on our journey to date. Its interesting...everyone was asking how I was doing with the latest news and I wondered was I suppose to feel worse? Because I don't. I feel like I've seen the worse possible scenario with cancer and from here on out it has to get better...whether or not that's true I choose to believe that it will get better.

Rudy was a bit more tired today and was sore after his shot. They gave him Neupogen which it what they tend to give chemo and radiation patients after they have finished a round in order to help them increase their cell count.

Of course since Rudy is at increased risk of getting infections I just happened to catch something! I have literally lost my voice (Rudy says I sound like Marge Simpson) and have a cough. I have ex-communicated myself to the upstairs bedroom as to not get Rudy sick. There is an inordinate amount of hand washing going on right now. Diego keeps following Rudy around telling him "Dad you can't touch that! I put my germs on it!"

Right now we have chosen not to tell Diego exactly what is going on as WE don't even know whats going on. He knows that daddy has been sick and has been going to the doctor to get better.

We are going to the coast tomorrow (Rockport) and will be seeing my parents as well (Gus's Bday is on Saturday). My hope is that this gives both Rudy and I a chance to recharge both of our batteries. I am hoping to get in some good quality time with my mom...curl up in her lap...let her stroke my hair and promise that it will get better...((sigh)) how I wish that would work today like it did when I was little.

This year will be Rudy and I's 9th wedding anniversary (June) and 15th year (April) together as a couple. You here a lot about couples whose relationship cant handle the stress of a serious illness or situation and the couple ends up getting divorced. I wonder how that happens as I feel that this has brought us closer together. Part of me wonders if all the trials and tribulations we have dealt with together from my depression to infertility was in preparation for this. They always say that God doesn't give you more than you can handle...so far it appears to be true.

Its interesting...I haven't gotten mad yet...you know you hear how some people question why God makes things happen to good people and frankly I have no answer for them. I don't know myself. What I do know is that even though I may not go to church every Sunday or self proclaim myself to one denomination I do believe in God.
I believe that he is helping to guide us through this journey.
I believe that he will help to put people in our lives that will figure out whats wrong with Rudy.
I believe that he has a plan for Rudy and I.

I also want to thank you all...thank you for loving us..for caring about our journey and for ALL the prayers...I do believe in the power of prayer and ask that you continue to lift Rudy up in your thoughts and prayers.